The Divorce Is Final

Laura Liston and I never even actually got married... but she came over on Saturday (Sweetest Day, coincidentally) to pick up the last of her stuff and haul it away back to Pennsylvania.  I'd packed most of it up carefully ahead of time, and I helped her and her two roommates carry everything out to the car; she did thank me for making myself available (though not for the work I did), then just got in the car and drove off without so much as a goodbye or even a little wave.  :::sigh:::  The closest she got to the old Laura was when she found and picked up Preeti, but it was a fleeting moment.

So, yes, despite how much I loved her, despite all the sweet things we did for and said to each other, despite our engagement (and the ring, which she gave me back, even though I'd told her to keep it), despite her having elicited a promise from me that I wouldn't do this to her, Laura has flounced out of my life.  Presumably forever.  Tonight would've marked one month of marriage, but instead it feels like I've been through a divorce, and while I'm glad to have custody of the "kids" (furry though they are), I still can't make much sense of what's happened.  I knew, getting into this relationship, that she had some emotional baggage, but then who among us has not?  I had some myself, though I like to think that it was only a carry-on at that point.  I seem to have underestimated how heavy her baggage was, however, and as a result, I've found myself with quite a lot more to carry around now.  Please bear with me as I adjust to the weight, and build the Wall back up...

The kids still love me, at least.

I really like the Google Nexus 7 I gifted myself for my birthday.  :-D  The fact that I can tether it wirelessly to the iPhone (when there isn't open WiFi around) definitely helps, though I've got some books and some music on it that don't require Internet access.  It came in handy for showing my dad my "honey-less-moon" pictures while he was in the hospital, too.  He spent two weeks in a HealthSouth Rehabilitation Hospital after that, and is home now, but he's still not doing that well.  We've heard talk about fibromyalgia, or possibly polymyalgia, and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), and anemia, but no one has really helped him with the pain, or the weight loss, or a definitive explanation and treatment plan.  It's been really frustrating, for all of us.

Hopefully, I can channel some of my depression and anger and frustration and loss into art.  In addition to working on a few new songs (lyrically, at least, for the moment, although the music is coming, too), I've decided to try NaNoWriMo again this year, in spite of the fact that I failed miserably at writing much of "They Might Be Roses," my intended novel last November.  I still intend to write that one eventually, though it'll be bittersweet now; but this year, I'm thinking that the novel's going to be titled "The Divorce Is Final."  It's not going to be about a literal divorce; it will be flavored (seasoned?) with some of my recent sorrows, but it's not going to be the story of Andy and Laura, either.  If you're interested in what it is going to be, well... stick around.

NaNoWriMo Failure

(...and yes, that's "failure" and not "fail."  I know it's trendy to use and misuse mono- and di-syllabic words these days, but I do my best to avoid that sort of thing without fail.  Snarky man is snarky.  Because snark.)  I'd fully intended to write a 50,000-word novel (at least) last month, but... things happened, and on the morning I'd intended to begin penning "They Might Be Roses," I found myself driving across Pennsylvania, West Virginia, Ohio, and Kentucky instead.

As you may have heard, a bit of wind and rain called Hurricane Sandy (or "Post-Tropical Cyclone Sandy" or "Superstorm Sandy") came ashore in the Garden State at the end of October, and while Laura and I only had to deal with a few hours without electricity and a day and a half without cable/Internet, the storm did end up causing our flight to Kentucky on November 1st to be cancelled. As we'd both already requested some time off for the trip, rescheduling wasn't a realistic option, and so I decided to rent a car and drive us 700 miles each way, and we left on Halloween evening instead of early Thursday afternoon.

We ended up getting there earlier than we were originally scheduled to depart from Newark Airport, but of course I was exhausted from driving all night, and I wasn't able to start writing while at the airport and on the plane like I'd planned. I never did any writing while we were in Kentucky, either, but we had a wonderful time with Laura's dad and his wife, and Laura's sister Amanda and her kids.

Amanda, Sofiah, and Silas

I thought that maybe I'd finally get going on Monday after a good night's sleep back in my own bed in Jersey... only we found ourselves going to the Bergen County Humane Society in town that day instead, and I was selected by a young tortoiseshell cat to bring her home. Three-month old "Fluff" was quickly renamed Preeti, and even more quickly became a part of our family (though her older sister Meggy, the chinchilla, doesn't like her much at all and has made it clear that she's not going to be intimidated).

It's Caturday!

Tuesday saw me going back to work... but because New Jersey Transit was still reeling from Sandy's damage, the Main Line train was still not operational, and I opted to work from home. On Wednesday, I felt out the buses, and while the commute was longer, it was doable. Unfortunately, I don't usually have the ability to take out my laptop and use it on the bus the way I do on the train... and anyway, I was stunned by a phone call from my mom telling me that there'd been a fire and she and my dad were at a neighbor's home because they weren't allowed back into theirs.

I was shaken, understandably I hope, as was my sister when I called her (to give her the news after wishing her a happy birthday). She and I met my parents at the house on Saturday and surveyed the damage, then mom and dad came home with me and spent the night with Laura, Meggy, Preeti, and me. At least they finally got a chance to sample my Big Easy shrimp (it went over well), and they would've stayed another night, but the insurance finally located a hotel for them.

I didn't get any writing done that weekend, either, although I'd been thinking that I could've gotten a few hours in (before the fire happened).  I did finally get over a thousand words written the following weekend, but the damage was already done, in my head at least.  Work was keeping me busy and stressed, I started reading Stephen King's "11/22/63" (great book, but bad idea for me to get invested in someone else's novel, and a big one at that), and then came Thanksgiving.  We visited my parents at my sister's house before heading to Laura's aunt's for the big turkey dinner.

My parents, sister, nephews, 'n me

We stayed away from the stores on Black Friday (well, other than the local Dollar Tree), and I suppose I could've done some writing that day, but instead we went to the park and fed the squirrels for a while.

Thanks for the nut!

Then came Laura's birthday, and the requisite sushi/sashimi dinner at Momoya in Bloomfield...

Sushi and sashimi

Before I knew it, the month was over.  Yes, I could have managed it, but it just would've been too hard with the lengthy delay in starting, and while I wanted to make it happen, there was too much going on in November already.  I still want to write the novel, though, and I will, but December is another crazy month, so although I'll hopefully get some writing done before the end of the year, I don't expect to finish "They Might Be Roses" before February or so at the earliest.  I intend to finish writing and recording the eponymous song as well.  There's that Web site overhaul to complete, too; I'd really like to get that done before 2013.  I think the resolution for the New Year is going to be better time management.  There's a lot I want to do: I haven't picked up a guitar in forever, I may start writing short stories again, Laura's teaching me to knit... but I have to set aside time for such things and actually use it.

Lastly, the holiday season is rapidly approaching, and while its lyrics certainly don't represent the way I feel anymore, my song "Christmas Lonely" is still a pretty good tune, or so I've been led to believe.  I'd appreciate it if you gave it a listen and maybe invited your friends to do the same.  Hey, ask your local college radio station to play it.  ;-)

NaNoWriMo

So.  I've decided to give this NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) thing a try.  The idea, in case you're unfamiliar with it, is to write a 50,000-word novel during the month of November.  Yeah, it's a real commitment.  I'm admittedly nervous about the prospect of writing over 1,600 words a day for thirty days, but... if I'm ever going to write a novel, this is the scenario most likely to make it happen.  I've signed up for it, and broadcast my intention to the world, so the pressure will hopefully aid me in reaching the goal.  Besides, it'd be nice to be able to say that, not only have I written and recorded my own independent album ("Joy in the New"), I've written my own novel, too.  ;-)  I've already purchased a NaNoWriMo 2012 T-shirt, in hopes of egging myself on:

Speaking of my music, I've decided to tie the novel to a new song I started writing a little while ago.  "They Might Be Roses" as a song title (and then a novel title) was inspired by a walk with Laura a few months ago; we came across a flowering bush (hmmm, that could be a title for something else entirely) we couldn't immediately identify, and the musing "they might be roses" response led me to think about... well, you'll have to check out the song and/or the novel to discern what it led me to think about.  In any event, I started writing the song lyrics in September, and several weeks later, after I'd committed myself to NaNoWriMo, it occurred to me that I could expand the concept I was using for the song into a novel, so that's what I'm fixin' to do.

Laura and I will be flying on the 1st to visit her father and sister for a few days, so instead of reading on the plane as I usually do, hopefully I can get some writing done.  I'm expecting that I'll have to rearrange my daily routine in order to get so much wordsmithing done in a month, but I'm determined to make it happen, and preferably without much procrastination (I'm too honest with myself to say "without any procrastination"); I can't imagine myself trying to bang out the last 10,000 words in the last two days.

"Better that your life be a blur than a blurb."  This past week has been a blur, with Regina Spektor, Indigo Girls, and Aimee Mann concerts keeping us up later than usual for three nights out of the last four, and I expect November to be blur-rific as well.  For now, though, we've got an impending "Frankenstorm" to weather.  Stay safe if you, too, are in the Northeast!